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I have some terrible news to report. The severed head of John Upson has been confiscated by the European Union. During our “arrest” the commandant of the EU section illegally abducted an, albeit deceased, UK citizen.
It’s likely the head has been ghosted, so I’m beginning a memetic campaign to counter the damage done by this terrible loss. I’ll provide more details when I have them available.
In other news, it’s also my duty to report a full blown war has erupted between the EU and the Vatican. Just as we were leaving the commandant’s office a serious altercation erupted between the Swiss guard and EU troops. It was only through the stalwart actions of Alvin Crispin, the head of the American maintenance team, we escaped to the gilded clutches of GenTech where I had some of the most superb sushi I’ve had in my life. I believe the Uplifted Octopus, Armie, was quite offended, but this was something we could not pass up.
Our host, the good doctor, was called away on business and we were ushered out the air lock. The Mayori pilot, Tonga, maneuvered our little box out into space where a lively discussion of the afterlife began and ironically, the long sacrosanct arm of the Vatican pulled us into their revered clutches.
Apparently, the Pope was on board the station and wanted to make a little known bounty hunter slash lawyer his “Publico Ministero,” or some such rot.
While my head was painfully reeling from this clear stroke of immaclate genius, I learned the UK was no longer part of the European Union and thus I wasn’t a prisoner of the Holy See. Em, I hope the UK hasn’t been rendered loony by the same memetic seizures which are clearly occurring on the station; a stage eight memetic war, by the way.
One last thing, per your instructions, I’m currently looking for a suitable vessel to evacuate all subjects of our King and have employed another Briton to help obtain a list of all citizens who reside here and spread the word of a possible evacuation.
As always, I await your instructions.
Winston Blair & trusted friend and companion Wallace, AI
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